Monday, January 09, 2006
Smiling's my favorite
There are certain activities or tasks that you perform for you employer that create a great sense of accomplishment and pride upon completion. Then there are activities or tasks which call into question whether or not you have any pride at all. Depending on the time of day and what I've eaten, the Christmas Party at the Ranch could go either way...
"He's an angry elf!"
My roommate James on Jamel's -- I mean Santa's -- lap, seated on the throne of lies. "You stink. You smell like beef and cheese! You don't smell like Santa." After they worked out their differences, Santa told James three things that he needed to know about New York:
1. You see gum on the street, leave it there. It's not candy.
2. There are, like, thirty Ray's Pizzas. They all claim to be original, but the real one's on 11th.
3. If the sign says "Peep Show" it doesn't mean that they're letting you look at your presents before Christmas.
Valuable information for everyone to know.
And of course that leaves me to spread the joy to the masses. I've found that the best way to spread Christmas Cheer is singing loud for all to hear.
After moonlighting as an elf for a night, there were several things that I learned:
There are only three jobs available to an elf:
1. Work at nights making shoes while, you know, while the old cobbler sleeps.
2. You can bake cookies in a tree. As you can imagine, it's, uh, dangerous having an oven in an oak tree during the dry season.
3. But the third job, some call it, uh, "the show" or "the big dance," it's the profession that every elf aspires to. And that is to build toys in Santa's workshop.
Getting there was another difficulty: I passed through the seven levels of the Candy Cane forest, through the sea of swirly twirly gum drops, and then I walked through the Lincoln Tunnel.
So, if you're feeling lucky, do me a favor... call me an elf one more time.
# posted by Matt Foster : 7:26 PM
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