Back at the Ranch

There may be few things that I am am more excited about as a single male than quality leftovers, and today is the crowning jewel of the leftover season. It goes without saying that no other holiday can truly compare to the culinary value of Thanksgiving. In America we've been instilled with the idea that you should NEVER have too little, and few do on this fine day. But who really eats all of their holiday leftovers? Not you? Well, send 'em on down to me; I'll take care of it. Like sarcasm, it's just one of the many free services I offer. If I play my cards right, I can very easily make it all the way to my Christmas vacation eating nothing but leftovers and oatmeal, and loving every minute of it.

While many of you are currently praying over my soon to come gastrointestinal issues, I will take this time to point out the fact that I recently bought another camera. I say another because it marks the third camera in the past year and a half, the last two coming within the last several months. The first, I would like to point out, was destroyed by my brother Ben, who in an act of genius knocked it out of The Adam's Apple, my boat (pictured with Will on it's midnight maiden voyage, fish finder and trolling motor sold separately but most definitely included). Of course if you wanted to see a picture of Ben, I guess this one sums it all up: the self proclaimed "Pocket Tee Model"



The second camera was bartered for so that my friend Ty could by a bow for the upcoming hunting season. It was a mutually beneficial transaction, I needed a camera because some idiot dropped the first one in Lake Wildwood, Ty needed a bow in order to legally kill a deer. Within the week after my new acquisition, it fell out of the ATV in the middle of the hayfield on the ranch without letting me know where it was going.

Ty found the camera several weeks later, having been run over by both ATV, truck and horse, and trapped under a pile of manure (why he was looking there only he can explain) and 13" of rain... AND IT STILL WORKS.

I know what you're thinking, "After such an ordeal why on earth would you want to purchase another camera? I mean, you have the perfect camera, especially for you, Matt; it survived alone under the worst of circumstances and the first thing you want to do after the prodigal camera returns home is to replace it with something nicer?" Yep. Why? Because I can. Because I was in Best Buy with Ryan and he had to call Mary Beth before he made his purchase, and that has to stop. Not on my watch. Just try and stop me, tell me I can't do it, tell me I c... sorry, a little carried away.

So I guess I have a leftover camera here on Leftover Day, but to celebrate this day I will share some leftover Leftover Day Pictures from the new and leftover cameras, enjoy:

I am by no means a horse expert. I may whisper to them at times, but I'm no Robert Redford or Monty Roberts. I have, however, watched a wild mustang run free and may I see that there is truthfully very few things more beautiful. When we first got two mustangs a year ago, one was entrusted to me. I was given the task of introducing this animal to humanity, to people, to life outside the open range of Nevada. You take for granted the simple pleasures like a halter broken horse, one that knows when you have the rope it is supposed to listen to you. We forget that such things have to be taught, that every animal is wild until proven tamed. I could tell you the many fun stories of trying to load an animal that has never seen humans into a tiny stock trailer, or trying to get him out and into a barn. Hours upon hours were spent trying to get a free-thinking wild animal to bend to your will. I could tell you of time when the horse got out and ran through two fences because it had never seen one before, or how it drug two of us for yards because it didn't know that when we have the rope he's supposed to listen to us. Story upon story could be told about trying to break the horse, who we can now saddle and ride without running through fences, much less hold him with a simple rope.

Instead I want to focus on the brief moments when he was running... free. A symbol of America, of freedom, the Wild Mustang captures the mentality we all hope for: no fences, no restrictions, no demands; just unabated freedom. We took his freedom, his masculinity, both in metaphorical and literal ways, and to be able to ride him in a controlled and tamed fashion is amazing, but he will never be as beautiful as the day he pushed me out of the way and busted through two fences, refusing to be held by any rope, running free.




The 2005 Campaign of Alabama Football ran free, unwilling to be tamed by any opponent they encountered. They ran through a couple fences along the way, Tyrone Prothro and JP Closner, two strong heartbeats of the offense ending their seasons too soon, but the Tide rolled on. At times there were opponents who entangled them in ropes, dragging Tennessee and Ole Miss behind as they narrowly escaped, but the Tide rolled on. Through major setbacks and narrow escapes the Bama kept it's pride in Tuscaloosa, even after the sting of LSU. Yet last night, the second set of Tigers in two consecutive weeks brought a proud, free-running Crimson Tide to its knees, effectively breaking Bama.

Now Bama will play in a decent bowl, celebrating a season we could have only dreamed of a year ago, and hopefully end up a very respectable 10-2. It was a more than productive season that redeemed a program that was once thought dead, and hopefully many will remember that fact as well. But we would all be liars if we didn't admit that deep in our hearts, even though we are happy with the successes, there was no more beautiful moment than when Bama was running free -- when the Tide rolled on.

"You're Dixie's Football Pride, Crimson Tide."

In contrast to those who would call into question the ability of Brodie Croyle, the heart and soul of Bama Football, I leave you, Austin Henley, with the words of Theodore Roosevelt:

“It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who, at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

Here's to you Brodie; stand tall, roll tide.

I am reminded of the great philosopher Kenli Shea Edwards who once wrote: "Halloween is like the world's Grub." Truer words have never been spoken. What are the basic, universal elements of Grubs?

1. costumes
2. food
3. entertainment

All encompassed by the holiday we affectionately refer to as Halloween. There are random requirements that must be met as well, however, in order to truly attain "grub status."

1. There must, at some point, be someone dressed in 80's attire.
2. An obnoxious personality should and will overthrow the previously planned powers at be to steal the show, or at least in their own minds.
3. There must, at some point, be someone dressed like a Redneck.

Friends, when you hand Matt Foster cut-off wranglers, aviator sunglasses, workboots and a megaphone, he meets all of those requirements. So in an attempt to only reinforce the North's already preconceived notion that because I have a Texas Driver's License I am a Redneck, I present to you... DeWayne: The reason New Yorkers believe we think as slow as we talk.

Complete with the "Redneck and Blue Collar" shirt as well as the official Larry the Cable Guy "GitRDone" camouflage hat, these are all official Redneck items found at... you guessed it -- none other than Wal-Mart itself. It would be a crime to settle for anything less. "If it's not at Wal-Mart, you don't need it." Yet, perhaps my favorite costume at the party with the boys was Ryan and Mary Beth, as the overzealously excited about Halloween grandparents:

Don't be too surprised if you see this picture again as their Christmas Card.

A couple other pictures from the evening:

A shout out to Max and Nicole (right) who let my boys and I come over and wreck their house for a night, which they allow all the time -- as well as Lauren, for meeting the previously stated 80's garb prerequisite.

Two of my favorite ladies here at the Ranch, Fern and Ellie.

And finally, for an explanation of the evening's events: That's what happens when you gather 3 Foster generations together in the same room -- just look at Chief's face...